Not strictly sure where this recipe came from -I have a feeling it’s a BBC one- but that’s neither here nor there.
Sorry to whomever for the violation of your intellectual property but really, if you’re putting recipes on the internet, your legal case doesn’t have an extremely lonely leg to stand on.
It’s good, it’s cheap, it easily scales up into large amounts and it makes use of both mine and James’s combined culinary ‘talents’. Me: stealing recipes from the internet. Him: burger assembly.
- Can of chickpeas. Drained.
- Medium bunch of coriander, Base of stalks trimmed.
- Lemon juice. Either from an actual lemon or one of those amusing lemon-shaped juice bottles. If you use a proper unwaxed lemon then zest it as well.
- 1 egg. Beaten.
- 100 grams fresh breadcrumbs. This is about six slices of wanker bakery bread, crusts removed.
- 1 large onion. Half diced, other half sliced. I used brown but it’s probably better with red.
- 4 wholemeal buns. You don’t have to use wholemeal, but you don’t get quite the same level of smug healthy satisfaction if you don’t.
- 1 large tomato.
- 1 tablespoon freshly ground cumin. I’m the cumin nazi now. Never use powdered cumin. It tastes like lint that has a dim memory of an old holiday in Mexico.
- Mayonnaise and chipotle tomato sauce. Or something with some tomato-y kick to it.
1. Drain and rinse the chickpeas. Little tip for using canned chickpeas: drain them at least an hour before you are going to use them. Let them sit in the colander/sieve, draining and air drying. This brings them closer to the taste and texture of the proper rehydrated ones that more organised people than me eat.
2. Blitz together the chickpeas, the egg, all the coriander stalks, half the leaves, an impressive amount of salt and pepper, the lemon juice, the zest if using and the cumin. Once combined, mix it in a large bowl with the diced onion and 80 grams of the breadcrumbs until you get an unappealing, green-hued goo.
3. Form the goo into four patties. Fridgitate (technical term) them on a plate for at least an hour. Once they have firmed up, take them out and press them into the remaining breadcrumbs. Devote this waiting time to the really frustrating task of picking the remaining coriander leaves as these will be the greenery for your burger. Preheat the oven/grill for the burger buns.
4. Fry the patties until golden. Pop the burger buns into the oven to crisp up.
5. Assemble your burgers using the tomato, the coriander and the sliced onion. Apply mayonnaise and chipotle tomato sauce (from M&S) to the tops of the buns.
Eat smugly, firm in the erroneous conviction that this carbohydrate bomb of a meal is somehow healthy. Celebrate your restraint by immediately following it up with Cornish clotted cream ice cream and salted caramel sauce. Go to sleep muttering about how you are a disgusting fat cow.