• Grown Ups Macaroni: Recipe

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    The magic of basil. Now extremely close-up

    It’s still raining gay houseguests around these parts. I’m going to miss them desperately when they go.

    But not enough to devote huge amounts of time cooking them dinner, obviously.

    After all the booze we have consumed over the last few… ever it was high time we consumed something starchy to soak up the three bottles of wine, pastis and gin we were drinking.

    Enter grown-up’s macaroni!

    This is really just a speedy combination of my bucatini con gorgonzola and the way-too-rich-for-gays-but-delicious-nonetheless Deliaroni. It’s sum is probably greater than it’s parts. The house-gays even asked for the recipe so here it is in all its stinky, seasonal splendour.


    • 400g macaroni.
    • 200g gorgonzola, chopped/crumbled. Let stand for at least an hour before using.
    • 150 le roulĂ© garlic and herb soft cheese, chopped. (That’s one roll at M&S. Replace as appropriate. Must be squishy and garlicky. Even just soft cheese and garlic maybe?) Let stand for at least an hour before using.
    • 125g cubetti di pancetta. That’s one whole pack at M&S. (Yes, I shop there all the time.) You could supplement some diced bacon or go mushrooms for the vegetarian options.
    • Large bunch of fresh basil, leaves torn.
    • 300g cherry tomatoes, halved. (Italian varieties preferred.)
    • 2 brown onions, halved and sliced.
    • 1 bay leaf.

    Onions, tomatoes and basil are all in season right now. You could always just keep the cheese the same and experiment as seasonally appropriate. (Mushrooms, leeks and an earthier herb would be great in Autumn.)


    • Put a large salty pot of water on the for macaroni.
    • While it’s boiling, gently fry the onions with the bay leaf in a wide, shallow pan. Sprinkle over some sea salt and keep it long and low so the onions sweat.
    • When the water is boiling, drop in the pasta.
    • Two minutes later, remove the bay leaf from the wide, shallow pan and throw in the pancetta. Turn up the heat if you feel like it.
    • When the pasta is done, reserve half a mug of cooking water, drain and tip into the pan with the onions and pancetta.
    • Stir the cheese through with some of the cooking water, a little at a time, until you get an awesome, smoky grown-up cheese sauce.
    • Before serving, quickly stir through the basil and tomatoes. They shouldn’t cook but rather warm slightly. You need their freshness to cut through the sauce.

    This amount served four hungry, tipsy homos. To be honest we would have eaten more if we had made more. You might want to factor that terrifying reality into your own meal plans. You will eat this until you explode.

    Serve with a Puglian red that you decanted when you took the cheese out of the fridge.

    Greedily eat from bowls on the couch while watching American sitcom pilots as the London sunshine thunders and hails outside.

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